World's Dumbest Employees.

You've heard of the television show World's Dumbest Criminals, right? Well, yesterday I could have been on the show World's Dumbest Employees.

It all started with a rocky Monday, followed by an email received Tuesday morning that sent me over the edge in terms of anger towards and complete dislike of my job (not the job itself, but rather certain individuals who have the innate ability to suck any and all joy out of the work environment).  Having contemplated looking for alternate employment for quite some time, I finally decided to take the plunge.  In addition to searching for open positions at several universities out of state, I applied to four positions posted on the human resources website for the university at which I currently work.

My intentions were never to keep my job search a complete secret from my boss, but rather to wait and see if I landed any job interviews before discussing the matter with him.  I saw no need to rock the boat and jeopardize what little comfort I have by prematurely announcing my hopefully impending resignation.  As fate would have it, however, the public announcement of my job search would not occur at my own discretion. 

(Can you see where this is heading?)

Thursday afternoon, a graduate student from another laboratory randomly said to me, "Oh yeah, you applied to a position that was posted by [your boss]."  I can just imagine what the look on my face must have been.  Color drained, an expression of utter disbelief followed by an unspoken plea for mercy.  Least to say, the next time I crossed paths with my boss, he told me to stop by his office before I left for the day.  Talk about AWKWARD.

Lesson learned?  When searching for a new job, only apply to listings that are clearly in no way even remotely related to my current position.  In other words, don't be such a dumbass.

A Case of the Mondays.

Today, I definitely had a case of the Mondays.

1. I turned my alarm off in my sleep, waking up an hour after my alarm had been set to go off.
2. After already running late for work due to the alarm fiasco, my cat Gabriel had yet another hairball, which I then had to stop getting ready for work to clean up.
3. Feeling guilty about the hairball and despite the fact I brush Gabriel regularly, I made myself even more late by spending several minutes grooming Gabriel in the hopes that I wouldn't arrive home from work this evening to more hairballs (we shall see - I'm not holding my breath on this one).
4. While getting in my car so I could finally be on my way to work, I knocked over my mug in the center console cup holder, spilling orange juice all over the passenger seat.
   
5. I found out the house I had my heart set on buying (it is down the street from my sister and her family, and would have been absolutely perfect for me) has been sold, which greatly dampens my enthusiasm towards buying a house.
6. Late last week my co-worker and I ate lunch at Pizza Hut, where I decided I was in the mood for a stuffed crust pizza (which only comes in large, by the way). After working all weekend and forgetting to take the leftover pizza home, I sat the pizza box by my computer this afternoon so I would surely not once again forget it. Naturally, as I was driving to my second job, I realized I left the pizza sitting on my desk - and am now without dinner for the evening.

All trivial things, I know (except for the house thing - I really am upset about that), but it just doesn't make for a good start to the week. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Murphy Strikes Again.

Yesterday as I was driving from my first job to my second job, I was on the highway when it started to snow pretty heavily. This in and of itself didn't bother me, and I continued on my way as I normally would (albeit reducing my speed to account for the slower moving traffic). Suddenly and without warning, a car in the right hand lane kicked up a piece of metal debris that was in the middle of the lane, throwing it across the highway and into - you guessed it - the front end of my car. Between the heavy traffic, decreased visibility, and suddenness of what happened, there was nothing I could do. Naturally, no sooner had this occurred and I began having a conniption fit, the snow abruptly stopped, the sun was shining, and traffic cleared.

As for saying in my post yesterday that I am thankful I'm not living the same day over and over again, a la the movie Groundhog Day? Well, one of these days, I am going to have to learn to keep my mouth shut - because that is exactly what I would like to do with yesterday. If I had left work a minute later or a minute earlier....If I had been driving a little slower or a little faster....If I had been driving in a different lane on the highway....If I had taken a different route to my second job....If only I hadn't recently bought a new car, and I was still driving my much dented and rusted Cavalier (which I would rather still be driving, by the way, except every time I turned around it needed another repair, and it was not worth the money)....If, if, if....

I know it's just a car, and it shouldn't be a big deal. While I am admittedly a perfectionist, I am by far not a materialistic person; it just makes me ill to still owe over $13,000 on something that is now damaged. Although, technically the car was already damaged, because someone put a huge scratch in the rear bumper while I was parked in the parking lot at my second job (before I even had a chance to get the car plated, no less). It took me forever and a day to get over the sick feeling I got every time I looked at the scratch in my rear bumper. I can only imagine how long it will take me to get over this.

Epic FAIL.

Apparently Murphy is at it yet again, and I shouldn't have posted yesterday about losing at Dr. Mario. It appears, despite what I originally thought, it CAN get worse. :-D I'll let the pictures do the talking. (Brent is always P1 and I am always P2. This time we are Jesus and Dr. Phil.)

I clearly have to up my game.

Today is not your day, Murphy!

It is no secret that I often find myself plagued by Murphy's Law, much more often than the majority of people I know (at least from my point of view). Sure, I have what you could describe as mundane days where nothing of particular interest occurs, but most days in my life follow the rule of anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Today seemingly started off as one of those days, when after waking up at the wee hour of four thirty in the morning, I arrived at my polling location promplty at six o'clock to discover that the line to vote was already enormous. In years past, I have always gone to vote when the polls first open, and I have never had any problems getting quickly in and out. My heart sank as I parked my car and joined the que standing outside in the chilly morning air. I was certain that despite my efforts, I was going to be late to work, which in turn was going to throw off my entire morning.

Surprisingly, the line seemed to move relatively quickly as I steadily grew closer to the door of the building and to the warmth radiating out from inside, and after standing outside for about twenty minutes, I had finally entered the building. At this point, things seemed to slow down dramatically, and I figured I was still in for a substantial wait. Not long after I was inside, a poll worker came down the line asking for anyone with a last name starting with the letters N through Z. Even though I was still standing relatively close to the door of the building, NO ONE in front of me moved, so I was able to walk straight up to the table at the other side of the room to show my driver's license and receive my ballot. All in all, voting took me about thirty-five minutes.

Murphy 0, Me 1

On my way to stop back by my apartment briefly before heading to work, I realized that the poll worker could have challenged my eligibility to vote since the address on my driver's license did not match the address on my voter registration. (What a catastrophe that would have been!) Thankfully, the poll worker simply asked me about the discrepancy in my address, and let me go on my merry way (it probably helped that I live on the same road - I had simply moved into a bigger apartment in the same building).

Murphy 0, Me 2

Since I was now going to be early to work, and I had spent twenty minutes standing outside in the cold, I rationalized stopping at Starbucks to get a peppermint hot chocolate and a protein plate for breakfast (the protein plate includes a hard boiled egg, crisp apple slices, seedless red grapes, a whole wheat mini bagel, cheddar cheese, and peanut butter). Upon opening my wallet to pay for my purchase, I realized I had forgotten to put my driver's license back in my wallet (I had stuck it in my back pocket after showing it to the poll worker). I immediately checked my back pocket for my license, only to discover that it was missing. I momentarily panicked, as normally this would be the time the Starbucks cashier would ask to see my driver's license since the back of my check card isn't signed. Amazingly, the cashier simply swiped my card and handed it back to me.

Murphy 0, Me 4 (One point for the cashier not asking to see my driver's license, and one point for me losing my driver's license AFTER I voted.)

Of course, there was still the matter of WHERE I lost my driver's license. The worst case scenario was I dropped it at my polling location, and someone picked it up and was running rampant around the city using my driver's license to cast multiple votes, for which I would then be arrested on account of voter fraud. Retracing my steps in my mind, I remembered when I stopped back at my apartment I used the restroom. That had to be it - I was certain my driver's license was laying on my bathroom floor. Unfortunately, the Starbucks I stopped at was down the street from where I work, and I couldn't go back to my apartment to see if my theory was correct.

To make an otherwise already long story short, after completing the morning work I took my lunch break to go back to my apartment, and you guessed it, I found my driver's license laying on my bathroom floor.

Murphy 0, Me 5 (In your face Murphy!)

Naturally, the rest of the day has been one of mundanity.

A Penny for Your Thoughts.

Earlier this week, I emptied all of the pennies from my wallet into the Harry Plopper piggy bank that sits by my computer monitor at work (I had AT LEAST twenty cents worth of pennies weighing down my wallet). This morning as I was driving to work, I was going to be extremely early and decided to stop at McDonald's for a fruit and walnut salad and small orange juice, despite having woken up with a severe headache that was making me nauseous and causing me to have no desire whatsoever to eat. (What better way to kill time than by idling in a busy drive thru, right?) After placing my order, the drive thru attendee told me my total was $4.01. As I pulled forward and got my wallet out of my purse to retrieve my money (there is a sign at the drive thru that CLEARLY tells you to have your money ready), I was reminded of my aforementioned penny dumping. It figures after weeks of pennies accumulating in my wallet, the moment I get rid of them is the exact moment I need one. (It is Murphy's Law, after all, which seems to be the predominate law governing my life.) Once I pulled up to the first drive-thru window (I think McDonald's is the only fast food establishment that actually uses both of their drive-thru windows), I handed the drive-thru attendee $10.10. As she entered my tender into the register and was about to hand me my change, she looked over at me and said, "You do know you gave me ten dollars and ten cents, right?" My reply was to chuckle slightly and say, "Yes, I know - I didn't have a penny." A light suddenly came on in her head, as apparently she thought I was trying to engage in some sort of trickery by handing her a dime rather than a penny, when I was simply trying to avoid getting ninety-nine cents in change. Perhaps drive thru attendees are often on the receiving end of pranks, and her mind was on high alert what with today being Halloween and all. You never can tell in this day and age.