To go, or not to go....

Recently I was invited to a New Year's Eve party through Facebook by an acquaintance from college, whom I will refer to as Double H. I was both surprised and flattered by the invitation, seeing as how I have not spoken to him in over six years (and before you ask, no, he did not merely invite everyone on his friend list). While it could be fun to go to the party, let's face it - I am not nor have I ever been socially savvy. I am more than a bit nervous about showing up to a party by myself where I know a single person that will be in attendance, and barely at that. To make matters slightly worse, I noticed today that one of the invitees is a guy I winked at on match.com, whose response was "thanks for the wink, but I don't think you are a good match for me." Thank goodness he is currently listed as not attending the party, as I can only imagine how awkward it would be to run into him should he recognize me! (I shudder at the thought.)

All possible and likely embarrassing catastrophes aside, attending the party could result in several positive scenarios. First and foremost, I would be venturing outside of my comfort zone, which I feel is important for me to do if I am going to continue to grow as an individual. I mean, I could actually have fun! Not only that, but it would provide the potential to cross off the following two items from my 30 Before 30 List:

27. Hold a conversation with a stranger.
30. Make a new friend (one not connected to someone I already know).

Knowing I will most certainly chicken out at the last minute if I plan to go by myself, I have thought about emailing Double H and simply being honest about my apprehensions, and asking if he or anyone else would like to meet up before the party and arrive together. Would this be completely and totally lame? Another option would be there is an Indiana Ice hockey game that evening, so I could ask Double H if he or anyone else would want to catch the game before heading to the party. What do ya'all think? What would you do if you were me?

A Social Butterfly I Am Not.

Today for lunch one of my coworkers and I decided to go to the Campus Center to eat and do a little shopping. After eating at Mamma Leone's (well, I ate at Mamma Leone's - my coworker decided to get sushi instead), we went to Barnes & Noble. Now, the Barnes & Noble in the Campus Center is not the same size as a standard Barnes & Noble, but it does have a fairly decent selection. With this in mind, I decided to look for the book Miracle Girls by Anne Dayton and May Vanderbilt, which I have sporadically searched for since it was released in September 2008 (and have obviously been unable to find). I am a huge fan of chick lit, and while this particular book falls under that category, it has religious undertones, so it is found in the Christian fiction section of the bookstore.

When I got to the appropriate section of the bookstore, there was a girl sitting in the isle looking at a book. I didn't think anything of it, and went on the search for Miracle Girls. Before I knew what was happening, the girl began speaking to me, causing me to promptly break out in a sweat. She asked me about the book I was searching for, which of course I could only tell her the title and author, having completely forgotten what the book was about (what can I say, I have a never-ending list of books I want to read). She then asked me if I was a student and a part of any campus ministry, and I told her I had graduated from college but worked on campus.

At this point, I had been unable to find Miracle Girls, so the girl suggested a different book and found it on the shelf, handing it to me and giving me a description of the plot. I skimmed the inside cover of the book, and then thanked the girl and said I would keep the book in mind. Feeling sufficiently awkward (and not to mention needing to get back to work), I excused myself, but not before asking the girl's name and telling her it was nice to meet her (I do have at least some manners - and her name was Caroline, in case you were wondering).

Immediately afterwards, I began thinking about my 30 Before 30 List, specifically number 27 - Hold a conversation with a stranger. I think I need to develop certain criteria for this particular item, because I am always turning to Brent (or in this case, my coworker) and asking, "Does that count as holding a conversation with a stranger?" Thus far, the answer I have received has always been a resounding "No." So I have to ask, what exactly should completing this particular item on my list entail?

It really is a shame I am so awkward in social situations, because if I hadn't been so nervous and shy, I could have been on my way to completing another item on my list as well, number 30 - Make a new friend (one not connected to someone I already know). All I would have had to say is, "It was really nice meeting you Caroline and I would love to continue this conversation, but I have to get back to work. How about we exchange email addresses?" I mean, Caroline seemed like an extremely nice person. How hard would it have been to say that?

Damn my tendency to flee as quickly as possible in the opposite direction of anything remotely social.

Breaking the Habit.

It is no secret that for quite some time now (sadly, for much longer than I would care to admit), I have been stuck in a rut. Over the past several years, I have watched myself become less and less of the bright, vibrant person of my youth, and while all along I have lamented this fact, I have failed to do anything to turn things around.

After stumbling upon Suz's Bookshelf Blog and reading a book she reviewed there, The Next thing on My List by Jill Smolinski, and reading Suz's own life list, I was inspired to create a life list of my own in the hope that it would help me break out of my rut. I decided to make a list of thirty things I want to do before I turn thirty, which is in less than two years. (Yikes!) The following is my list.

My 30 Before 30 List

1. Try snowboarding.
2. Join a recreational sports team.
3. Go see a movie at the movie theater by myself.
4. Eat at a restaurant by myself.
5. Write in a journal every day for a month.
6. Find a cause I am passionate about and get involved.
7. Educate myself about politics so I can intelligently and effectively defend my political beliefs.
8. Volunteer at Agape Therapeutic Riding Center.
9. Learn to ice skate (more specifically, learn to stop without running into the wall of the ice rink).
10. Buy 1500 thread count Egyptian cotton bed sheets.
11. Dress up for Halloween (as an adult, Halloween is my least favorite holiday, so I have not dressed up for Halloween since I was a child).
    
12. Learn to drive a stick shift.
    
13. Be able to run two miles without stopping.
14. Travel somewhere I have never been.
15. Visit my maternal grandmother's grave in Evansville, Indiana (the only time I have been to my grandmother's grave was at her funeral, so I have not seen her headstone).
16. Take the GRE and decide whether or not to apply for graduate school.
17. Learn basic German.
18. Attend the 2010 NCAA Men's Frozen Four at Ford Field in Detroit, Michigan.
    
19. Have a cookie-baking weekend.
    
20. Spend an entire day (24 hours) with my cell phone turned off.
21. Get dressed up and go out for a fancy dinner.
22. Go on a carriage ride in downtown Indianapolis. (For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to go on one of these carriage rides, and I have always said the first man to take me on one was the man I was going to marry. Seeing as how I am nearing thirty and I have never been married, I figured it was time to take destiny into my own hands.)
23. Tour the Scottish Rite Cathedral in downtown Indianapolis.
24. Donate blood.
25. Take ballroom dancing lessons or swing dancing lessons.
26. Learn to bake madeleines.
    
27. Hold a conversation with a stranger.
28. Attend the Circle of Lights Festival in Indianapolis.
    
29. Mail out Christmas cards in time for the cards to arrive BEFORE Christmas. (Every year I buy Christmas cards, and every year the cards never get mailed out. I have quite a vast collection of Christmas cards, and cards for every other holiday for that matter, in my greeting card box.)
30. Make a new friend (one not connected to someone I already know).

I tried to create a list consisting of a variety of items, including ones that would be fairly easy to complete, as well as several that will push me beyond my comfort zone. While my original intention was to only include items that are within my control, I did let one creep in that is not entirely so - number 18. While I have every intention of attending the 2010 NCAA Men's Frozen Four, it is not simply a matter of purchasing tickets, reserving a hotel room, and driving to Detroit, MI. Tickets are only available through an application process, and are awarded through a lottery system. If you have purchased Frozen Four tickets before, your application is given priority, but a certain number of tickets are set aside for those who are attempting to purchase tickets for the first time. So, you see, as someone who has not previously purchased Frozen Four tickets, I am going to be relying heavily on luck to score tickets (which, historically, my luck tends to be very, very bad). Either that, or I have to hope I have enough money to purchase tickets at an outrageously inflated price from one of the individuals who is lucky enough to be selected through the lottery system and decides to sell their tickets, for whatever reason. (I think I better start saving now, just to be safe.)

The bottom line is at 28-years-old, I feel like I have wasted my life thus far. I am extremely unhappy a majority of the time, I still have a great deal to learn about who I am as a person, and I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. This list is about rediscovering happiness, learning as much as possible about myself and life, and hopefully discovering my life's purpose (or at least what would make me feel like my life is meaningful and worthwhile, and that I am having a positive impact on the world).

If you would like to keep up with the progress I am making on my list, I have dedicated a separate blog to the endeavor, What Is On My List.